#janus cow

[death-limes]

Just so you know, duo did actually die in June of last year.

Thanks for letting me know. I checked her Facebook page when writing my reply & didn’t see a post about her death, so I assumed she was still alive. My point still stands, however — 4 years is still a long time for an animal with diprosopia, well into adulthood.

[death-limes]

why do you assume that an animal with a physical deformity must be in awful pain & keeping it alive must be cruel? did you not read the story?

-they made a point that the calf doesn’t seem to be in any physical distress. behavior is all we EVER have to go on when determining if an animal is in pain. any animal — with or without health problems — could be in silent pain, but we don’t go around euthanizing them all because of that ~possibility~.

-all of her organs and systems are in good working order, which is practically unheard of for this condition. complications usually arise because of organs not functioning properly

-she is learning to walk, just very slowly. (which is understandable. she probably gets disoriented more easily than a regular calf would)

-cows aren’t the only animals to be born with this condition. it’s notable in cats too, and the oldest cat with the condition (“Frankenlouie”) lived to 15 years. there’s another one now named Duo who will turn 5 this June. so it is possible for a two-faced animal to live a long, happy life. as for why the cats and not the cows… i suspect it has something to do with cats being seen as companions vs cows being seen as livestock. pet owners are more likely to take special care of a beloved fur baby than a farmer is to take care of their stock. this calf’s case is especially promising, however, plus i believe it’s a smaller farm with access to proper resources. most two-faced cows in the past have been born in parts of the world where they really can’t afford specialized care.

-oh yeah they also made a point to say that they don’t plan on “showing her off to the media” like they were very clear they just want to take care of her and help her live for as long as she naturally/comfortably can

like im having a VERY hard time seeing how you look at a story like that and see evil…? does disability or deformity just automatically mean a creature can’t be happy and thus it’s not worth letting them live?

i want to hold my tongue and not share the depth of my opinions about the two-headed cow but it upsets me so much every time i see it, i really do hate the narrative of 'rooting for' an animal like this to live despite it being unable (and will be unable, for its entire life) to do the most basic of things life has to offer, even breathing, eating, moving, to prioritize the savior myth that everything can and should be saved, that every living creature should be treated this way as though its not one of the greatest mercies that we as humans have the ability to enact a quick and painless alternative to a slow and miserable life that ends in slow and miserable death on our livestock when they can't advocate for themselves, the ability we have as humans to see the research and make a prognosis and decide that the spectacle is not worth the extended misery, but this life is worth the dignity of a peaceful death we have the capacity to grant

because there is a difference between helping a baby animal in the first legs of life knowing it has a chance to have a quality of life worth fighting for, not a life doomed to be painful that we KNOW is painful knowing all that we know about animals who come with this specific type of physical abnormality, what we see on the surface is only a fraction of much more malformation and deterioration on the inside that we can't just decide is not happening because they 'look' fine, and what we see on the surface is already a life from start to finish without any experience an animal like this should have by virtue of being alive, with no life at all and no understanding of why it is going through this

the assumption that there is no suffering despite eating, breathing, moving never something that this baby will be able to do unassisted, despite knowing the longest a two-headed cow has ever survived was not even a year and a half and that record hasn't been broken in over thirty years, that's not even a quarter, an 8th, a 12th, a 15th of a cow's normal lifespan, and doubtfully much of that was pleasant or comfortable, and even if this cow does get to the point of being able to stand on its own, we can't ever know the full range of agony this animal is going through, all we know is there is and there will be agony, and we need to not see life as inherently successful or painless just because something is going in one end and coming out the other, that isn't what defines an animal's quality of life to me

the two-headed calf poem is beautiful to me because it's a miracle that something so rare (luckily) and so doomed could see one extraordinary thing before passing. the sky ceases to be beautiful when forced to live every day for the sake of social media's voyeurism, it makes me so sad that someone who raises livestock would put public attention over their duty to their animals ☹️

[halfhissandwich]

So what have we learned today?

- drunk Patton is a sight to behold

- Roman keeps a diary that Remus has access to for some reason

- Roman just can’t stop getting items thrown into his eyes, that’s twice now, and Logan tried to lecture Janus about it when he did it first, what the hell—

- Roman and Janus are enemies with benefits

- Patton doesn’t know how depression works

- if Logan makes a pun, he will run away in terror

- orange stress ball

- Roman and Patton appreciate good cows

- Patton gets called Patton a lot

- Logan and Virgil love each other <3

[dukeyeatsdeodorant]

Patton, playing minecraft with Janus: Oooh my goodness! Janusss can we make a house in this flower feild? Pleaaase!!

Janus: Patt- It's almost dark. We have no time to get the materials needed for a base-

Patton, pouting: Okayy..

Janus:

Insert Patton gathering materials while Janus protects him from mobs.

Now they have a pretty cherry blossom house with flowers everywhere, an army of dogs and cats, some cows too. Patton stays at their base while Janus does most of the hard work. Funny thing is, Patton is very good at mining and killing the mobs, he just chooses not to. Janus doesn't mind, as protecting Patton makes him feel good. :)

[virge-the-artist]

REVIEWING ASIDES VIDEO CAUSE YEA!

• roman being joy bc he has to be the main character and he is really trying to fit this role

• patton being sadness

• thomas pointing to the phone and looking at seemingly no one

• janus being perfect, as always

• roman bring up how he's controlling

• his immediately shutting down the idea of scrolling again

• logan doing crosswords without a pencil in hand

• roman saying "lo-gan"

• janus saying "here it goes" implies that this has happened before

• everyone telling remus no

• the very common idea that an animal will get into your plumbing

• logan's face

• roman gripping his hat

• the sound effect

• "joyman" being a play off roman

• patton agreeing with remus on buzzkill roman

• roman holding his tongue after patton said that

• janus yawning

• remus

• the "yay" sound effect

• the deep "i can't do this"

• janus is casted perfectly

• virgil's pigtail hair

• the multiple "oh"s

• roman covering his mouth with a frown on it

• remus's laugh then saying he looks stupid

• janus is amazing

• the thank yous

• janus and remus being bribed

• they have played this in the past

• remus being best friends with virgil

• janus agreeing then bring up Maya Hawke

• roman immediately having a miscommunication error and yelling at janus

• janus just staring at him

• "hi bud" double wave

• all the heads shaking

• remus

• "simply because we both wear neckties. No for other reason."

• roman making logan angry just to prove a point

• roman saying they like virgil better

• the smiles

• thomas's jaw dropped

• patton avoided eye contact

• janus's look

• roman's noises

• logan's face, bring back up his crosswords

• remus saying what needs to be said

• virgil wanted to win in a fight

• everyone agreeing, expect remus

• the look

• "interrupting cow"

• roman singing for 3 hours and virgil threatening to kill him

• "buddy"

• janus face looking like a wine mom again

[oatmealdaydreams]

SaSi: Incorrect Quotes - Vol. 4

Just random thoughts while I watched the video. Warning for drunk characters and spoilers!

the fact that Remus is on the thumbnail just made this my fave thing ever (Remus stan)

the lil intro jingle made me so happy to hear

starting off with Patton and a glass of wine - here we go

Remus' cackle and the "wasted!" - I love him (/p)

Pat, Ro, & Vi interrupting Logan's explanation with song is so fuckin' funny to me

Remus reads Roman's diary - classic sibling interaction

"Cup" / "This is a bowl" -> the ending got me

"Cry me a table" should be a phrase now and I will use it if only to cause some chaos <3

I love Janus' & Remus' dynamic so much, skdfsfjskd

"I did that on purpose, try again" skdsjkfjsd you lil asshole (/affectionate)

'height of stupidity' = Roman's height

I didn't expect that political joke in there, man (*insert the meme with the horse looking out to sea & the top text says 'man'*)

Patton is called Patton a lot

Thomas has some sense of self-worth for once & Virgil doesn't recognize him

Roman keeps getting hit in the eye

orange stress ball

"lesson learned" Janus is gonna throw it at Roman again, isn't he

"boop" / *explosion* -> I expect no less from Remus & Logan <3

microwaved ketchup = tomato soup, feat. Remus

Logan kills 100 people, a summary

Roman pushes on a locked door

Patton doesn't know how depression works

"take that depression" I will be using this out of context for the next five months

Intrulogical, my beloved

Logan makes a pun - proceeds to run away in terror

^(because of his fear of not being taken seriously & thought of as a joke bc he just wants to be important to someone, to anyone, and his perception of 'important' excludes indulging in pun humor)

"I beg your pardon" / "Then beg" -> HELLO??

Patton & Roman like cows. all cows are good cows bc they're adorable and I say so <3

Roman would cope by joking to deflect from the pain, he WOULD

^so would Patton, as seen in main storyline canon

^^theory: Patton (his Heart) & Roman (his Ego) do this because c!Thomas copes by making puns/jokes to deflect from the pain. this could mean many things concerning the Ego. may post about this more in-depth later

"those are wanted posters" it's bc Remus is wanted <3

Virgil, Get Some Sleep : a game Virgil does not like to play

oh hey, look, Sponsor

Patton doesn't think the Internet is dangerous (part of the Sponsor Time)

[Sponsor Time over!]

Virgil shuts the blinds on Janus while he's outside in a thunderstorm - glorious

Remus is Irish

"Disappointment" / "VIRGIL NO" -> ksfdksdfjdf I am Virgil in this instance

Janus doesn't take Roman seriously

THE BERT AND ERNIE JOKE, OMG

Analogical Love Confession

Remus pops out from the ceiling <3

"that's why I carry two swords" *big smile* / "no-" -> kfsjdfjs Roman looks so happy about his swords

Roman makes pudding at 4am bc ANGST. I mean, haha funny joke. but also ANGST

orange stress ball, pt. 2

Autistic Remus headcanon affirmed

Remus takes the words 'two large fries' literally - upset that he gets a bunch of average-sized fries

"My-reka!" -> will also be using this out of context for the next five months

Drunk Patton, omg

He would highlight everyone's face like that, he WOULD

UNICORN ONESIE, LOGAN'S IN HIS UNICORN ONESIE, YUSSSSSSSS

A great volume! Plenty of pairings, especially: Dukeceit, Intrulogical, Creativitwins, and Analogical <3

[muppetable]

incorrect quotes day!

Virgil: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything?

Remus: I had a lizard that I burnt.

Patton: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Remus: The cow??

Patton: What?

Janus: Remus, W H Y?

Logan: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single?

Virgil: Do not do that.

Logan: You won’t even notice!

Janus, entering: Logan, you wanted to see me again?

Logan: Virgil's single

Virgil:

*at 3am*

Roman: *runs into Virgil’s room and blares air horn* Wake up sleepyhead!

Virgil: *wakes up* Dude!

Roman: *cackles*

Janus: *sits up from where he was sleeping behind Virgil* What the fuck, Roman?

Roman: *jaw drops* Wait WHAT-

Logan: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Patton: I wrote you a poem.

Logan, already crying: You did?

Remus: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Roman, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

[echo-goes-mmm]

Could you explain more about the gods and religion in your Ambrose & Elliot universe? :0 it seems interesting!

Oh buckle up anon cause you asked for LORE and I have SO MUCH

General Beliefs 

There are six gods, and in order of most to least popular they go:

Emry, Mael and Maer, Cato, Kiah, Janus

The gods are usually seen as positive figures (except Janus and Kiah, who most people distrust and don't like at minimum), but not necessarily moral ones. There's no 'sinning' really, but if you cause harm or destroy 'sacred' things, people will judge you.

Atheism doesn't exist in this world, because the gods are just... around. It's not uncommon to see Cato in a large library, browsing books. Sometimes Maer is in the audience of a musical. And so on.

The concept of an afterlife is distinct from the gods, although it's generally understood that gods can visit the dead if they wish. Most people believe that souls do exist, and that there is a personal paradise for each soul after they die. 

___________________

Temples 

'Temple' is a very broad term in this universe. Most temples' primary function isn't worship at all. The vast majority of temples are community supports. All of them do some form of charity, especially in rural areas.

Temples have two universal rules: they are open to all, and you cannot cause conflict inside one.

Temples are open to the public from sunup to sundown, with few exceptions (Cato temples are open 24/7). They’re free to enter, and you can stay overnight in many of them, also for no charge. Priests also make and offer free meals to the hungry, no questions asked.

Generally, these services are only used if you need them, but there isn’t any gatekeeping to determine if you do.

Every god has their own distinctive style of temple. For example, a temple to Cato is very different to a Kiah temple.

___________________

Priests

Priests dedicate their lives or most of their time to serving the ideals of their chosen god. Many live at their local temples. Their jobs usually focus on community service.

All priests must be educated about their specific god, and some even know them personally. It also helps if you know how your god feels about the other gods.

Becoming a priest varies from god-to-god. Cato’s priesthood is often tied to your job or level of education. Anyone with a degree can be a priest to Cato, and librarians often are.

A priest of Emry needs no qualifications, but if you are in a temple that doubles as an orphanage, you must be vetted.

Mael and Maer also have no barrier to entry, but keep in mind that artists often come to temples for advice on their pieces.

Kiah has no barrier.

Janus, by his nature, doesn’t question the origins of his priests. However, he does judge you by your works and actions as a priest. He keeps the closest eye on them, and desires them to be compassionate. They also take vows not to reveal personal information about anyone who visits the temple, as many of their residents or guests don’t want to be found.

Note: In the Kitty Elliot AU, Catfolk are considered holy and often live at temples, cared for by priests. Janus’s temples are a favorite among them.

___________________

Meet the Gods

Emry

Emry is the god of harvests, and a patron of orphans. He's most often worshiped by farmers and ranchers, and most people hold him in high regard. He's depicted as kind and generous, and he loves all creatures.

Sometimes he's connected to death, but specifically a painless, merciful end. After all, a god of harvests must slaughter the cows at some point.

Emry's temples are typically the smallest of the gods. They're usually larger houses that double as orphanages, and they focus on comfort over worship. A typical Emry temple has one offering box on the outside for donations and a modest wooden altar on the inside for small offerings.

A usual offering might be some strands of wheat, or maybe an apple, or perhaps some wool. Offerings typically come after harvests as a thank you.

Most farmers' homes have a shrine to Emry.

Mael

Mael is the god of visual art. He's the twin to Maer, and occasionally temples are dedicated to the both of them.

Mael's worshipers are far and wide, and most artists and creatives pray to him and his brother for inspiration or to bless their talents.

Mael's temples are usually grand and beautiful. Murals line the walls, and some temples paint over and make new ones every year. Beauty is more important than practicality in these temples. The most gorgeous ones are often tourist spots.

A typical offering includes a child's drawing, or maybe a tube of paint, or a poem. Offerings usually are a bid for attention, or asking for blessings on a future project.

All art schools are dedicated to Mael and Maer, and shrines to them are very common in artists' homes.

Maer

Maer is the god of performance art. Theater, music, and statues all fall into his domain (although Mael disagrees about statues).

Maer is also said to be the god of love and lust, and some think of him as Mael's "dirtier" counterpart.

In reality, Mael and Maer collaborate more than they squabble. Neither god can really separate their domains out as cleanly as the other gods can.

Note: in the kitty Elliot AU, Catfolk are one of these collaborative pieces between the two.

Maer's temples are usually also working theaters and auditoriums. Attending or working a performance is the same as worshiping him, and he's less concerned about image than his brother.

Because of his connection to theater, he's also a god of good luck.

A typical offering isn't physical. Dedicate anything to him, and he'll remember. Although, he does cherish children's clay figures.

Cato

Cato is the god of knowledge and discovery, and is a patron of scholars and scientists.

He doesn't care much for worship, and is more curious about what his scholars are working on. He's the most commonly seen god, wandering the earth with no thought to disguising himself.

Cato's temples are libraries first, and places of worship second. Open at all hours, they're a blessing to people who just need an answer at two am.

Students hold Cato in high regards, and often you can hear a flustered student muttering prayers on their way to a calculus exam.

Kiah

Kiah is one of the two... unpopular gods. His domain includes fear and new beginnings.

However, it’s important to know that Kiah is not the god of inflicting fear, and is a highly anxious person himself. More accurately, he’s the god of being afraid. Still, that doesn’t net him much positive attention.

Kiah is fairly shy, and is slow to act. However, righteous anger is a common theme in stories about Kiah. His most positive depictions are about bravery, i.e overcoming fear.

He is good friends with the other gods, but he often clashes with Janus. They have different worldviews, and their natures cause friction between them. But in rare collaborations, Janus and Kiah create war and justice.

Kiah temples are few and far between, and are quiet spaces with comfortable furniture and darker colors. If you suffer anxiety or migraines, a Kiah temple is a nice place to be. 

Janus

Janus is the god of lies and secrets. Understandably, this makes most people wary of him and his priests.

But just like Kiah, there is more to Janus than is generally understood. To be more accurate, Janus is a protector god who chooses deception as the method. 

Janus is a patron of the abused, specifically runaways. His temples take privacy very seriously, and you will be tossed out for disturbing residents.

His temples are also large and grand, and usually appear only in big cities. 

Note: If a Janus temple is unavailable to a runaway, the next best is Kiah or Emry, although any temple will help.

Janus appreciates the finer things in life, and his temples often reflect that. High ceilings, lots of light and tall windows, nooks and crannies for privacy, rooms hidden behind tapestries, beautiful courtyards. All of these you might find at a Janus temple, but he loves and appreciates simple shrines just as much as his spectacular temples.

Politicians are the biggest donors to Janus, for less than savory reasons. The rumor goes that the more money you donate to Janus, the more he will bless you with his ability to flawlessly deceive and your career will flourish.

Janus himself started this rumor, and it never ceases to amuse him that the donated wealth of corruption not only built his temples, but feeds his priests and cares for those who need it.

___________________

The Gods Themselves

The gods are immortal and ageless, though not unchanging. They’ve all cycled through appearances, genders, etc. many times. Sometimes they even pick up and put down minor aspects of their domain.

When not roaming the world, they spend their time in a small dimension they call “the realm”. Mortals can only enter when a god lets them in personally.

As far as they’re aware, Cato and Janus are the oldest of them, followed by Emry, Kiah, and Mael and Maer.

Mael and Maer consider themselves twins, but it’s all pretty unclear.

The gods’ relationships with each other are… complicated. While they’d agree they’re all friends, the intricate parts are hard to define.

Yes, they’ve all had sex with each other at some point. They’ve even paired off into relationships before. Basically any pairing was true at some point, and they’re all very casual about it.

When you live with and deal with the same five other people for all of time, past and present, static relationships aren’t going to exist.

Currently, Janus is in a monogamous relationship with Ambrose, and the others respect that.

[naminethewriter]

On the Road, Just the Two of Us

Chapter Five: Living the Ranch Life, Just the Two of Us (again, not really, but shush)

Masterpost | First | Previous | Next | Ao3

Summary: This was written for @dukeceit-week-2024, @dukeceitweek

Janus and Remus are living in a campervan at the moment. Are they going somewhere? Who knows. The only thing that’s important is that they’re together.

Content Warnings: probably not accurate to actually living on a ranch, I'm sorry..., Original Background Characters

🌻🌻🌻🌻

“Janny! Janny! Look!” Remus yelled as he ran over to Janus who just left the chicken coop with a basket full of eggs.

“What is it, dear?”

“I look like a genuine cowboy! John lent me his vest!”

“That’s great, honey! Your boots really make the outfit.”

“They do, don’t they!” He lifted his legs to inspect the brown, knee-high boots with fringe at the side that were very cliché but one of Remus’ favorite possessions. “Anyway, John’s gonna teach me to lasso, you wanna come?”

“I promised Jane I’d help in the kitchen. But you have fun.”

“Thanks, I will!” With that Remus ran off in the direction of the cow stables. Janus chuckled as he looked after him before making his way to the main house. He went to the kitchen and placed the basket on the counter.

“Thank you, Janus. You’re a big help,” Jane smiled, as she wiped her hands on her apron and moved over to inspect his haul.

“It’s not why we’re here,” Janus quipped. “We came for a five-star hotel experience and not because Remus always wanted to see what living on a ranch was like.”

Out of the window, the two of them could see Jane’s husband John showing Remus how to tie a big length of rope into a proper noose for lassoing. Jane chuckled at the sight.

“He seems like an excitable fellow. It’s too bad you two are only staying a week. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind having you for longer.”

“You’re the first person to ever say that, I think,” Janus joked, though there was some truth to that. Usually, both he and Remus had a hard time fitting in with their surroundings. The last four days they spent on the ranch, helping out where they can and learning a lot of new skills had been physically intense but mentally relaxing in a way Janus wasn’t used to from his usual routine.

“Oh, I doubt that!” Jane huffed. “You are both so nice, how could anyone not want you around?”

“Let’s just say, if we’d been born into this kind of environment, a lot of things might have been different.”

“Well, that’s obvious. Everyone would be different if you changed just one aspect of their past. I always thought that dwelling on the what-ifs was a waste of time. Live your life how you see fit and don’t look back too much. You’ll miss what’s in front of you! Now take these potatoes here. They need peeling and cutting.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Janus quietly started on his work while Jane bustled around him, humming lightly to the radio that was playing on low volume in the corner. In between the peeling and cutting, he looked outside. Remus seemed to have the time of his life, waving the length of rope over his head and running around without abandon.

“I don’t think I’ve seen him that happy in a long time,” Janus commented, more to himself than to Jane, though she did stop her own vegetable cutting.

“That so? He seemed to me like that from the start.”

“Yeah, this trip’s been good for him.”

“I mean it, Janus, if you wanna stay longer, you can! We have no other bookings for a week or two.”

Janus looked over at her and she was smiling at him with a warm expression he’s never seen on his own mother’s face.

“I appreciate the offer, Jane, but sadly we do have somewhere to be.”

“Is that so? A shame. Where you off to, if I may ask?”

“A wedding. Remus’ brother will be quite mad with us if we miss it.”

“Oh, I’d imagine! I’d be cross with you as well!” Jane laughed. “Well, then let’s make the most of our time together and cook to our hearts content, huh?” She gently nudged Janus’ side with her elbow and he smiled. Looking out the window, he saw Remus sitting on the ground, somehow tangled up in his own rope with John trying to free him. Both seemed to be laughing though, so Janus wasn’t worried.

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

Another month. There was no need to worry for another month. They just had to keep an eye on their destination. That’s all.

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

Spider Facts #3.5: A species of spider has been found to produce a substance similar to milk for their young. This "milk" is rich in nutrients, and about four times richer in protein than cow's milk. Said species is the Toxeus magnus, a type of jumping spider. The spiderlings stay in the mother’s nest after hatching and feed on this fluid. Initially, they consume it by directly sucking it from the mother's body, similar to how mammals nurse from their mother.

The mother continues to produce this "milk" for several weeks, and the spiderlings rely on it even after they start foraging on their own. This care can extend up to 20 days after the spiderlings have become independent, which is unusually long for spiders!

The "milk" allows the spiderlings to grow larger and stronger before they leave the nest, giving them a better chance of survival. Researchers observed in 2018 that spiderlings that were deprived of this "milk" showed stunted growth and reduced survival rates. Toxeus magnus is currently the only species of spider that is known to do this! -> moving on from the fun fact, i have fallen down a rabbit hole of zane and janus. im not a huge shipper but i need more of this toxic subservient-servitude-codependent relationship i have formed in my head. - Arachnon the Pokemon

I’m so sorry I’ve not been responding to your spider facts!!! Ahhhh!!

And yeah, man Zanus slaps. Even when you’re not HUGE on it, the concept of the dynamic is really interesting. Could talk about them forever.

[i-am-bitterly-jittery]

Pray To Me A Little Longer (pt 2.1/3)

yeah, I'm splitting chapter 2 into two parts, the whole point of posting on tumblr (for me) is to be able to post things before they're ready for AO3, besides, it makes perfect sense as its own chapter

Part 1 • Part 2.2 Part 3 Devotion

Word count: 1788

Rating: Teen

Pairings: Moceit, future qpr Intrulogince (Remus/Logan, Logan/Roman)

Warnings: murder (comical), mythology-esc hijinks, animal death (by other animals, sentient animals? sentient animals killing non-sentient animals for food)

~~~START~~~

Long ago, near the dawn of humanity, Thomas, King of all Gods, had a Son: Patton, Prince of Gods, Flame of the Earth. He grew tall and fair, and when He had grown old enough to come into His own, Thomas had a second Son. 

Romulus was a rascal of a God, full of wild energy and teasing jests. Many a God privately expressed Their regret that Thomas had had a second Son, though never would They say a word against Him in the presence of His Father. Still though, Thomas knew His second Son was a handful, and when He had a third, He sent Him to be raised in Logos, where His most trusted priestesses and nymphs would keep Him out of trouble. 

One day, Patton came to His Father with a snake draped around His neck. The serpent spoke mostly riddles and lies, but still, the God of Truth professed His love for the creature and begged His Father to grant him the divinity His own Children had been blessed with. Thomas agreed, saying that if the snake would stay with Patton until the solstice in one month’s time, then the two should be wed, and the snake would be blessed to remain at Patton’s side forever more. The serpent happily acquiesced. 

The serpent’s loyalty in that month was surely tested as Romulus teased the poor creature cruelly, calling him ugly and attempting to pry scales from his tail. Patton had always tried to show His Brother patience and kindness, but this disrespect of His lover was something He could not stand for. He cursed at His Brother, and bid Him not come to the wedding at all unless it was to beg on His knees for the serpent’s forgiveness. Romulus was not cowed and declared that the snake would just as likely leave His Brother after receiving divinity as not before storming off in a huff. 

Thomas made His second Son apologize at the wedding, but nothing could stop the God of Ego from laughing when it was revealed that His Brother’s Husband’s name was Janus. 

Janus continued to accept every jab, every aggression, every abuse from Romulus with a sly smile on His face. At every turn He held His Husband back from losing His temper at His Brother. Then, during the Festival of the Eclipse, as the moon passed in front of the sun, plunging the world into darkness, the God of Secrets pulled out an axe and cleaved His Brother-in-law in twain. 

From the right half of Romulus’s body grew Roman, God of Romance, Music, Theater, and Literature, and from the left half grew Remus, God of Sex, Sculpture, Painting, and Weaving. The sun and the moon, separated once more. 

The other Gods, while now more mistrustful of Janus — though none would say so, lest they face the unrestrained wrath of either Janus or His Husband — were pleased with this change. 

After that, almost all of Romulus’s temples were added on to so that Roman and Remus each had their own shrine and new temples were built, leaving out Romulus’s shrine altogether, though they did still have a common shrine where priestesses and disciples alike could pray to both Gods at once. 

Despite the fact that it had stood abandoned for years, the Lykos temple — which lay in the middle of the woods of the same name — was Roman’s favorite temple. It had been the spiritual center of Romulus’s cult during His time, and even now, it was still the home of Romulus’s sacred wolf pack. 

Running with the wolf pack was one of Roman’s favorite things to do. He loved the dirt beneath His paws, the wind running through His white fur, and the feeling of taking down prey with His sharp teeth. 

But most of all, He loved getting to take a break from being a God; wolves didn’t care about Gods, wolves cared about their pack, and their hunt. And of course, when Roman decided to take time to run with the pack, for a night at least, Remus came too — it was just as much His pack as it was Roman’s. 

So Roman and Remus ran with the wolf pack through Lykos. 

Roman prowled forward slowly, carefully, the deer He was stalking had no idea of its danger. It was a large stag, with mighty antlers and its fair share of battle scars; a kill like that would feed the pack well — Roman and Remus did not need to eat such mortal fodder, but there was something incredibly satisfying about it. 

Roman was almost close enough to pounce when Remus came thundering up behind Him. The stag, having obviously heard the ruckus, took off running. 

“REMUS!” Roman barked unhappily, but Remus just laughed as he continued after the stag. 

Roman shook His head. Wolves were not pursuit predators, but of course, Remus could hunt however He liked. 

A howl went up in the opposite direction than Remus had gone, signifying that another member of the pack had made a kill and was inviting the rest of the pack to indulge with them. Roman continued the howl, but did not move to join them — he preferred meat slayed by his own teeth and claws. 

A few minutes later, He heard Remus howl His victory over the stag. He heard a few other wolves moving in Remus’s direction to share His kill with Him, but still, Roman continued to search for His own prey. Preferably, He’d find something before Remus decided to ‘help’ Him again. 

A rabbit ran across His path, but it was small, and Roman was not interested in so weak a challenge. He crept on until he found a doe drinking from a stream. She was not as big as the stag, but she would do. 

Roman stalked closer, keeping a careful ear out for signs of Remus’s less-than-graceful approach. Just as Roman was about to pounce, the doe seemed to catch wind of Him, she tried to take off running just as the stag had, but it was too late, and Roman quickly took her down. She struggled a little, but as Roman tore at her throat, her struggles lessened until finally, she was still. 

Roman howled out His own kill, and relished the answering howls that came back. A mother wolf appeared then with her two cubs, and Roman graciously allowed them first pick. 

As the mother and cubs ate, Roman noticed for the first time that there seemed to be quite a few birds in the trees. Birds were normal, as far as Roman could tell, there were birds everywhere, but He had never noticed so many diurnal birds out at night before. 

Scavengers, perhaps, except that even when the mother and cubs moved away from the felled doe to allow Roman His fill, the birds made no move to approach the carcass. 

Roman tore chunks of savory meat from the doe, and as no other wolves had appeared to share in His kill, He ate until a sharp feeling, almost like that of an axe, struck Him — it was not a physical blow, but it still managed to knock some of the wind out of him. 

The birds seemed to sense the change too, as they suddenly all at once took to the skies, cawing and clamoring as they went. Roman was too stunned to pay them much mind — someone had entered His temple. 

Another God had the audacity to enter one of Roman and Remus’s temples uninvited. 

“The nerve of some people,” Remus sniffed, jogging through the woods until He was at Roman’s side. “Don’t Gods have any manners?”

Roman rolled his eyes at the question. Remus had a habit of entering other Gods’ temples to annoy Them — He was lucky that Janus seemed to like Him, otherwise Patton might have smote Him long ago. His favorite target was the God of Wisdom, but so far, said God had yet to rise to the challenge, though if He thought ignoring Remus would work, perhaps He was not as wise as He ought to be. 

It was hard to pinpoint which temple the intruder was in since, as far as Roman knew, They were in Romulus’s shrine. If this God had gone into one of Roman’s shrines, or one of Their common shrines, then He would be able to find Them, but as it stood, all He knew was that there was a God in one of Their temples somewhere. Not the most helpful lead. 

“Well?” Remus asked, having had waited for Roman to collect His thoughts while He scratched His own mangy fur against a tree. He did not care as much about intruders. 

“They’re somewhere,” Roman concluded, unhelpfully. 

“Great! Well I vote that we don’t worry about it. Maybe it’s Janny, vandalizing one of Romulus’s statues for fun!” Remus shrugged His shoulders as well as a wolf could do. 

“Maybe,” Roman agreed tentatively. Janus’s feud with Romulus seemed to have ended with His forced mitosis, but perhaps the God of Lies had felt the need to blow off some steam. 

Roman tried to shake off the odd feeling of having a God in Their temple and continue the hunt with the rest of the pack, but that feeling was always there, in the back of his mind. When at last the pack had eaten their share and stretched their legs, the two Gods accompanied them back to the temple where they denned. 

They had been intending to leave after that, but intriguingly, They found a God, asleep, beneath Romulus’s citrus tree. 

Roman had never seen this God before, and he knew most of the rest of His fellow Gods very well. That wasn’t to say that there weren’t Gods that Roman didn’t know, just that it was uncommon. 

Remus sniffed the other God curiously. “Why’s he dressed like a human?” He asked, wrinkling His nose, which came across as more of a snarl on His wolf muzzle. 

“That’s what you’re focused on?” Roman yipped. “Why is He in Our temple? And why is He sleeping here?”

“Probably explains the birds at least,” Remus shrugged once more, before seemingly making up His mind and curling up on the intruding God’s left. 

Birds? Roman wondered before suddenly remembering the crows. The birds had come with the God, though why, Roman didn’t know — it wasn’t like peacocks followed Him around. 

“Why are you sleeping with Him anyway?” Roman demanded. 

“Warm.” Was Remus’s only answer. 

Roman sniffed suspiciously at the other God for another moment before He was forced to admit, Remus looked comfortable and He was jealous. He curled up on the God’s other side, and He had to admit, it was comfortable. 

~~~END~~~

I’m sick and I would like some serotonin pls 🥺

Docs did not like how I was spelling “axe” to the point where I needed to google axe to make sure I was right. I don’t know what it wanted from me smh

General taglist:

@royalty-of-all-things-snuggly @pixelated-pineapple @arsonic-knight @misunderstood-shadowling

[architectural-mist]

i am sorry i just watched putting others first for the first time and OH MY GOD??????? (dont ask why, its 51 minutes that stressed me out) FIRST OF ALL thomas himself had LESLIE ODOM JR IN HIS VIDEO????? AND GAVE HIM LESS THAN A MINUTE OF SCREEN TIME????????? secondly im sobbing rn. what. janus’ characterization and everything and im just. holy. cow. what even. im gonna go think about this for a week or smth i dont even know

[swhhdr-wthhr]

Sanders Sides Headcanons That No One Asked For (especially now since no one is talking about Sanders Sides):

1. Would the sides wear fake leather, real leather, both, or neither?

Logan: Neither. He knows both have a negative impact and he just doesn't care for the aesthetic.

Patton: Neither. He does own one real leather jacket but has only worn it once. Logan told him leather is made from cows and he never got over it. Whenever he sees the jacket he cries.

Roman: Real leather. He knows a cow died to make it and he appreciates their sacrifice. He can't wear fake leather, it's too cheap and can't even withstand combat.

Virgil: Neither. He really likes how leather looks but the decision of weather to wear real or fake stresses him out so much he never chose. He would feel bad either way.

Janus: Real leather. He wears real leather regularly and will occasionally wear real fur as well. If anyone asks about it he denies this, saying it's fake and that he would never do such a thing.

Remus: Both. He wants as many things to die in the process of him wearing these clothes as possible. Cows will die to make it and fish will die from the microplastics when he throws it away.

2. Would the sides believe in climate change?

Logan: Yes. He's done his research, knows a lot about it and does his part. Though he will bring up the fact that a single person can't single-handedly solve climate change, he tries his best anyway.

Patton: No. No one has told him what climate change is yet and he isn't on the internet enough to find out. Once someone tells him, for the next three months he brings it up in every conversation. "Have you heard about climate change? Why isn't anyone doing anything about this?"

Roman: Yes. But he doesn't know how it works. He won't admit this though. He came up with his own idea of how it works: evil wizards that cursed the earth. And he takes it upon himself to fix this.

Virgil: Yes. He believes in climate change and is constantly worried about it. He feels guilty whenever he does anything slightly bad for the environment. He still makes jokes about it though.

Janus: Yes. He believes in climate change, knows how it works, and refuses to change any part of his life for it. He doesn't think it's up to him and is offended by the notion. He entirely blames wealthy oil executives and will not recycle until all of them are dead.

Remus: Yes. He is in favor of it and is doing his small part to accelerate it. Janus told him that individual, normal people can't do much to change it on their own and he took that as a challenge.

3. Would the sides still wear a mask in 2023?

Logan: Yes. He hates germs. He also carries hand sanitizer at all times. When people make fun of him for still wearing it he makes fun of them back, with statistics.

Patton: No. He thinks covid is over. He also wants everyone to be able to see his smile. But he will wear one if he's asked to or sees a sign on a store saying they're encouraged. Just to be polite.

Roman: No. He also wants people to see his smile, but just to admire it. He thinks it's a disgrace he had to cover it up for so long.

Virgil: Yes. He doesn't want to get sick, but more importantly, he doesn't want strangers to see his face.

Janus: No. He tells other people to wear their masks because it's safer, but this rule does not apply to him.

Remus: No. He coughs on people in public.

[pupplaylogan]

um. janus milking come out of logan until he’s dry coming and can hardly think of anything else other than being his good little cow? testing my 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀��ℯ𝓇 thoughts

he should wear a little cow bell :3

[lovelylogans]

the parent trap

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: small world and getting smaller

Janus is officially the father of the two most troublesome twins in the galaxy.

⁂

Virgil stands by the door, arms crossed and hopefully backing up Janus’s sense of Stern Parenting.

Virgil isn’t sure how well he’s doing from how he’s collapsed on the couch, his hand over his eyes.

“One of you,” Janus says, pointing vaguely in the direction of the twins, where they’re seated side-by-side on the opposite couch. “I’m not sure which one at the moment—but one of you told me your father knew I was arriving here today.”

The twins exchange a look. Virgil narrows his eyes.

“And I’m here to tell you,” Janus continues, “that the man I just saw in the elevator had absolutely no idea he and I were in the same country. Let alone the same hotel.”

The twin in the white jacket—Roman, unless they’ve somehow managed to swap clothes between Virgil seeing him last—slumps lower on the couch, looking cowed.

“You saw Papa already?”

“Yes I did,” Janus says hotly. “The man went completely white-faced, like I was the bloody ghost of husbands past! Can one of you get something cold for my head?”

Roman rushes from the couch to the small bucket that Virgil’s already filled with ice, grabbing a small washcloth at random and dipping it inside, then wringing it out.

“I mean,” Janus continues, at last removing his hands from his eyes and rolling to face the boys, “don’t you think I’ve thought about what it would be like to see your father after all these years?”

The twins exchange another look. Virgil feels something finally, at last, click to place in his brain, and his eyes go wide.

Oh, God. They’re really going through with it.

“Well, let me tell you,” Janus barrels past any response either boy could have, standing to pace, “me waving like a mindless idiot while Patton Parker’s got his arms wrapped around another man is not exactly the scenario I had in mind! Thank you, darling, you are not off the hook,” he adds, accepting the washcloth that Roman gives him.

And then the door to the bedroom opens.

And then one of the most visually pleasing men Virgil has ever seen steps into the room.

“What’s going on here?” The man says mildly, then, “Roman!”

“Uncle Logan!” The one in the white jacket who is absolutely Roman cries out, leaping to his feet. “I’ve missed you—put her there!”

“Erm?”

“Handshake, Uncle Logan,” Remus elaborates, looking amused, “It’s American, he means do the handshake” and Logan smiles down at his nephew.

“But of course,” he says, and grasps Roman’s hand in his, shaking it up and down once, twice—

And they progress through a handshake, almost quicker than the eye can take in all the details—clapping and slapping of hands, bumping of hips, shaking of fingers, grinning at each other, Logan’s eyes shining with some restrained semblance of fondness down at the boy that Virgil’s grown to care for so deeply.

Oh no. Oh no, his bond with the children—it’s making him hotter.

“Oh!” Logan says. “Excuse me, I didn’t realize we had guests—erm, Logan James. I’m Janus’s cousin. How do you do?”

“Virgil Schemmenti—I’m Patton’s best friend slash professional hanger-on,” he says, then, dryly, “I hope it’s okay if I don’t know the choreography yet.”

Logan simply smiles, and Virgil clasps his hand in his. 

His hands are soft, well-moisturized, and warm, sliding smooth where they meet the calluses and little burn marks Virgil has earned via cooking and helping out around the vineyard. The entirety of sensation of his body seems to narrow down to where they’re clasped together, to a sort of soft, contented quietness in the back of his brain—the pleasantness of his hand, gently but firmly cradling Virgil’s, the bare and simple pleasure of touch…

“Boys,” Janus says, and both Logan and Virgil drop each other’s hands quickly, turning their attention back to the situation at hand.

Oh, Patton is going to be so smug, or at least as smug as he knows how to be. How pretty Janus is this, how the James genes must be impeccable that, Virgil had sighed and scoffed and nodded along all these years, and now here Virgil is crushing on the cousin.

“You are going to tell me why you lied and brought me here without telling your father.”

“Were they?” Logan says, adjusting his glasses. “Erm, excellent. Virgil and I really ought to give you some privacy—perhaps I should see you to your room—”

“Oh, perfect,” Virgil says quickly, “We can go on over there, check out the mini-bar situation—”

“Wait,” Janus says, and his voice thunders through the room so powerfully that both Virgil and Logan freeze in their tracks.

“Does everyone here know something I don’t know?”

“Dad,” Roman says, and his voice is very gentle. “Papa’s getting married.”

All of the fight goes out of Janus’s face, his expression gone from stern to shell-shocked in an instant. He collapses back onto the couch with an audible gasp, his hand going over his mouth.

He looks paler now than he has the whole time he’s been near-woozy with liquor.

“To Cruella de Vil, he’s awful, Dad,” Roman wheedles. “We can’t let him go through with it, we simply can’t!”

“He’s awful, really, all wrong for him,” Remus says, picking up the thread. “And the only way he won’t marry him is…”

Remus hesitates, looking back and forth, before he nudges Roman in the ribs. “You tell him. You know him better.”

Roman crosses from one couch to the other, taking Janus’s hand in his.

“...Is if he sees you again,” he finishes warmly, with a dreamy sort of sigh that tells Virgil that, of the pair, Roman is absolutely going to grow up into exact same sort of hopeless romantic that Patton is.

Virgil tugs lightly on Logan’s shirt sleeve, and, once his attention is caught, jerks his head toward the door. Logan nods in agreement, and the pair of them start inching away.

“Wait a minute,” Janus says incredulously, looking back and forth between the boys. “You’re not seriously trying to set me up with your father?!”

“Actually, we are,” Remus says. 

“You’re perfect for each other!” Roman insists, clutching at Janus’s arm. 

“Hold it!” Janus says, and both Virgil and Logan freeze in their tracks.

“Okay,” Janus says tightly, then, firmer, “Okay. Let me say this loud and clear, since clearly none of you understand it. Patton Parker and I have absolutely nothing in common… anymore.”

“Um,” Remus says, raising a hand, and then promptly lowers it when Janus shoots him a fearsome look.

“Plus,” Janus barrels on. “In case you haven’t noticed, he seems extremely content with his—his long-legged, tight-trousered, clinging fiancé. And the pair of you will explain to your father that I am here for one purpose, and one purpose only. And that is to switch the two of you back and rearrange our custody schedule.”

“That’s two things,” Remus says helpfully.

“Remus Parker!”

“What? It is,” Remus complains, then, twisting, “back me up, Uncle Logan, that’s two things.”

“Listen to your father,” Logan says, avoiding the question entirely.

Virgil presses his lips together to keep from smiling, and instead he nods somberly at the boys in an attempt to impart some level of Adult Seriousness upon them.

He has the feeling it won’t work for long.

⁂

Patton’s heartbeat has been roaring in his ears the entire elevator ride.

“Uh, hey, Maddox,” Patton says, catching his fiancé’s—yes, his fiancé, pull yourself together, Parker!—hand in his. “I’m gonna run downstairs for a couple minutes—see if I can catch the kid, give him a spare room key, walk around a bit, clear my head.”

“Clear your head?” Maddox says, at last turning from where he’s been inspecting his face in the mirror. “What do you have to clear your head about? Is something wrong?”

“Uh, no! No, no,” Patton says. “Everything’s perfect—” a kiss pressed quickly to Maddox’s cheek— “I just gotta go. Um, shake off some nerves.”

“Nerves?”

“They’re your parents, Mads, I want to make a good impression,” he insists. He should make a good impression, he does want to make a good impression, he’s not lying, it’s just—

“We’re still going ring shopping after lunch, right?”

“Ring shopping?” Patton says, hand on the door, then, “Right, of course! For the wedding. Um, yeah, ‘course. I’ll see you there—here—I mean—downstairs.”

He quickly opens the door and slips out before he can stick his foot in his mouth anymore than he already has, darting down the hall.

“Hey, Pa,” his son says, trundling down the hall. “What’s up?”

“Uh, nothing! Nothing, Roman,” he says, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “Hey, did you…?”

Roman blinks his big brown eyes up at him.

“Nothing—never mind,” Patton says hastily. His kids would never pull one over on him like that, right? Not with something so serious. “Do me a favor—keep Maddox company, will you?”

Roman nods.

“Thanks so much,” he says, then, hesitating, wheels back around.

“Do I look okay?” Patton says, tugging at his suit jacket. “Like—presentable? You see me and can’t tell I’m a man who collects ugly sweaters, right? I look like a���a serious, well-adjusted person who’s a proper adult?”

“You look fab, Pa,” Roman says. “Absolutely fab!”

Patton reaches over to squeeze his son’s shoulder, then he resumes his run back to the elevator.

Is he here? Is he really, really here?!

⁂

Remus hums to himself vaguely as he wanders the lobby, trying to think of the best way to really push stepfather-to-never-be’s buttons, when the elevator door opens and a familiar face comes barrelling out, adjusting his tie nervously.

“Pa!” He blurts out, before realizing he maybe shouldn’t have brought attention to himself.

“Rome!” Patton says, then, “hey, how’d you get down here so quick? I thought you were going to keep Maddox company?”

“I was?” Remus says, then, “I mean—yeah, I was! I think he stepped out of the room, I was just looking for him…”

Then, unable to help himself, he leans in for a quick hug around his stomach.

“It’s gonna be great, Pa.”

“Aw,” Pa says, hugging him back. “Thanks, kiddo, I really appreciate the pep talk—oh! I completely forgot when I ran into you upstairs. Here’s your room key. Why don’t you go on up and make sure nothing’s malfunctioning? And grab your jacket again, too, it might get chilly later.”

Remus accepts the shiny gold key, turning it over in his hands. “Sure,” he says, and pockets it. So he has run into Roman, then; it’s probably a good thing Roman’s kept his jacket zipped up.

“Great—thanks,” Pa says, and he’s off again, charging through the lobby, head turning back and forth, obviously looking for someone.

Remus grins to himself. Mission accomplished. He approaches the elevator and mashes the button as many times as possible within ten seconds as he can, humming some old song his Pa has on some of his cassettes.

Let’s get together, yeah yeah yeah, why don’t you and I combi-ine…

The elevator door opens, and Remus waits to step on as a man clad in black steps out, ignoring the presence of the world around him, inspecting his makeup in a compact.

“Have you seen your father?” The man asks, snapping shut the compact.

Remus blinks at him. “You talking to me?”

“Who are you, Robert DeNiro?” The man says snidely, and oh. Remus sees. “Yes I am talking to you.”

“Maddox,” Remus sneers, then, “yeah, I just saw him.”

“Well, hel-lo?! Where is he?”

“Oh,” Remus says. “He went thataway. I think.”

Remus narrows his eyes at him as Maddox cranes his neck to look down the hall; he’s wearing an icily blue suit jacket over whatever little outfit he’s put on to try and snare Remus’s father. Sure, he looks pretty—his hair is coiffed within an inch of its life, his skin is suspiciously smooth and lush in a way that screams of some kind of product—but Remus knows. Oh, Remus knows the sort of devilishness in a person.

Because he aspires to have it too. Except not like that—Maddox’s brand of evil is just too lame.

“What are you staring at?” Maddox snaps.

“Nothing,” Remus says, letting his lip curl up in disdain. “You’re just very pretty. That’s all.”

Maddox rolls his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re going to break your rotten streak and suddenly be nice to me.”

Oh, boy, Maddox thinks Roman’s been on a rotten streak?

“If you see your father,” Maddox says, striding off, “tell him he’s late, and I’m waiting.”

He makes it sound like the biggest sin in all the world, to keep Maddox Blake waiting.

“Whatever you say,” Remus mutters under his breath. “Petruchio.”

⁂

Janus understands that Remus said that nothing that he could be given would speed this whole aftermath of vodka thing along, but also he’s eleven and a dratted little troublemaker and Janus is a bit ticked at him at the moment, so he’s decided not to believe him and seek out his own cure.

Which led him very handily to the hotel bar. So many people said hair of the dog, some semblance of it had to be true, didn’t it?

“Here you are, sir,” the bartender says, sliding across some… concoction in a tall glass. “This’ll cure anything you got. Just don’t ask what’s in it.”

Janus makes the fatal mistake of sniffing it and then promptly gagging.

“Probably shoulda warned you about that, too,” the unflappable bartender says cheerfully, then goes about collecting abandoned glasses, clearing places for other unfortunates who would find themselves at a hotel bar before noon.

Janus takes a deep breath, plugs his nose, and goes about drinking as much of the foul stuff as quickly as he can.

It’s a deeply unpleasant affair. Janus thinks he’ll be put off any variant of smoothie for about a month after this.

But finish it he does, quickly sliding the glass as far away from him as possible, and goes about getting a water glass and trying his best to wash the taste of it from his mouth, drinking the entire glass of water just through that conquest alone.

“Ugh,” Janus says very quietly, patting his face with a cocktail napkin, then stands to get himself even more water, pausing briefly as a man in a sleek blue jacket sits a couple barstools away.

“Pardon me,” Janus says briskly, and goes to refill his water glass. Free water. Say what he will about the Americans, the invention of free water in restaurants is an excellent one.

“Martini,” the man in the blue jacket tells the bartender, briefly checking his watch. “Dry, please.”

Janus slides back onto his barstool, with his water and the lackluster presence of bar peanuts standing guard beside him. He eats one to help with the taste and wrinkles his nose. He didn’t even know peanuts could go stale.

He eats another.

“Your martini,” the bartender says, returning. “And your bill, Mr. James.”

“Thank you,” Janus sighs, though he thinks paying for that ought to be considered highway robbery and also perhaps a violation of the Geneva convention. He signs it and pushes it back to the bartender.

The man sipping his martini tilts his head, spots his signature, and his eyes widen, before he turns to face Janus more fully.

“You’re Janus James?!”

“Guilty,” Janus says, and he tries his best not to wince as the man lets out a squeaky sound of delight, promptly abandoning his barstool to sit directly next to him.

“I just saw a suit you designed in Vogue and fell completely in love with it,” the man gushes. “I faxed your office just yesterday, but they said you were out of town and didn’t know if you could make another—I can’t believe it! It’s fate!”

Janus decides to do the polite thing and not point out that he is out of town, and presumably on vacation, and therefore not working, and instead he simply nods.

“I’m Maddox Blake,” the man says, flashing a set of truly startlingly white and straight teeth at him, extending a hand. “How do you do?”

Janus accepts the hand with some bafflement. Americans.

previous chapter | masterpost | next chapter

[trollocs-ooc]

names post

The meanings of every characters name

Main characters

Riikii Taavii - literally just a riki tiki taavi reference. His lusus is also a mongoose

Eileil Naraal - eileil is pronounced as elil, which in watership down means "enemy" in lapine. Naraal is a butchered version of "narwhal". Because eileil has one horn

Slashr Faiyze - butchered version of "slasher phase" because they grow up to be a serial killer

Liexii Naraal - "lie" is "eil" backwards, and "XII" is the roman twelve. Because his ooc nickname is twelve

Emhoji Simmbl - butchered version of emoji symbol

Rastko Nemanj - shortened version of the name Rastko Nemanjić, who is the saint of the day balkantrolls blog was made

Kullie Awoble - butchered mixed version of "cullable" and "adorable"

Lutrin "whybie" Naravi - Lutrin is short for lutrinae, which is the family otters are in (or something similar) because their lusus is an otter. Naravi is a combination of 2/11's last names. Their ooc nickname, Whybie, is short for "whyborn" because theyre a mutant who hates themselves

Ruzmar Vrtlar - Ruzmar is short for ruzmarin, which means rosemary in serbian. Vrtlar in Serbian means "gardener"

Mikesh Lobanj - mikesh was named after a cat in a mobile game because i found the name funny for a female cat. Lobanj is a butchered "lobanja" which means "skull", because he wears skull facepaint

Miscellaneous characters

The polycrewl

Raksha Splash - named after a clangen cat. Also he was thrown in water to drown by highbloods so splash is ironic

Tripto Manich - Tripto is butchered for triptych. And manich sounds like "manic" and is similar to "manifold"

Roseta Onchar - She was based off a black panther, so roseta is for "rosette" and onchar is a butchered version of one of the scientific names

Iliyal Drator - .

Chizma Lichor - "čizma" means boot and lichor sounds like licker. Because she is technically one of the oldest ocs i imagined for the crew. And the scenario i imagined her in involved (literal) boot licking. And eileil. You can use imagination 😭

Associated with the Dehorner

Horiza Hircus - her pupils are horizontal and hircus is a part of the scientific name for goats

Verico - vertical pupils. Vertical text

Dzanis - sounds like "janus" the two headed snake god. I associate with twoface because of the two heads thing, so i associate janus with law. And dzanis is a tealblood.

Mielka Karava - butchered "milka krava" aka milka cow. The chocolate mascot.